Well, I’m happy to report that the ‘turning’ incident has been sorted.  We discussed it last night again when everybody had calmed down and it has been agreed that Dad can have his 2 turns a night – just the first one has to be as soon as he gets into bed and the last one has to be first thing in the morning J

We had a wee giggle last night – Mum and Dad were drinking boozy stuffs and on our way back from our bedtime walk Dad took us all up to the wrong HoW – only the fact that Layla and Lucy were pulling on their leads deterred him from going on in – mum laughed so much she cried – we could just imagine the faces of our fellow campers if 2 strangers and 4 hairy dogs descended on them in the middle of the night – if it had been our non biking biker neighbours they would have thought we were invading them hahahahahaha 

Oh my hairy word – I had the most awful realisation yesterday.  Alfie and I were out for a walk with mum and this guy drove past us on one of those wee moped things with 2 wheels and he was holding a poor wee dead bird upside down.   We all said ‘ahhhh poor wee thing’ but then, oh my friends you aren’t going to believe this, mum said …………. ‘looks like somebody is having chicken for tea’  WHAT??????  Nobody ever told me that a chicken was a bird!!  Why have I not been told this??  I have been eating chicken, happy in the belief that it is made in Asda and it turns out I have been eating a fellow animal.  I am disgusted with myself and am, from this moment on, a veg-a-tear-ean!!  I am going to stick to sausages from here on in as my favourite food and cream with cake of course – both of those things are definitely made in Asda!!  If it turns out cream with cake is some sort of weird animal I am going to shoot self!!

Anyway, aside from that wee hiccup, we really are loving our trip and, better yet, it is only 10 more sleeps until Santa Paws comes J  I’ve emailed him to ask him to remove the 10 chickens I had asked for and to replace them with 10 packets of sausages.  I can’t actually believe that he brought me chicken last year – clearly nobody has ever bothered to tell him that they are birds either!!  Flip, I’m just thinking, this may well come as a shock to a lot of you guys as well – if so, I am sorry, but it is better that you know!

Of course, maybe my mum is wrong ………. Come to think about it – it didn’t look like any chicken I have ever had – it had fecking feathers on it and I think I would have noticed if I had been eating them!!  Oh dear, I am now a bit confuddled – Dad has always told us not to pay too much heed to anything mum reports as a fact until we have checked it out with him or Alfie has researched it on google!  Ok, let’s all calm down – I will get Alfie to look into this and report back on our findings asap …. In the meantime, I think it is safe for us all to continue to eat chicken so long as there are no feathers on it – I think!

Ahhh for fecks sake – if it turns out mum was wrong I am going to have to email Santa Paws again!!  He is going to think I am a flipping idiot …………

Ok La Banda Loca - we dogs need your help - you have got to speak to our Dad!

Let me explain, my dad has never before been, what I would describe as, a selfish man.  He can be a stingy barsteward (mum says) or, on occasions, a grumpy old git but selfish? - never ..... until now that is ......

He got out of the bed this morning and demanded a family meeting!  Demanded no less!!!!  Anyway, we all took our time but eventually we all sat around outside and waited for his big announcement.  The discussion went as follows;

Dad:  From now on, until we get home, I demand at least 2 full turns a night in bed!

Me:    Ha ha hahahaha haaa  good one Dad

Dad:  I am serious Loca - I have now gone for 8 full nights without so much as one turn and I now have bedsores on my arse!

Layla:  Don't say arse, Dad - bottom is much nicer - more refined I feel ....

Dad:  Arse, ass, bum, bottom, call it what you will, but mine is covered in sores!! 

Alfie:  Sorry about the state of your bum Dad, but I'm afraid there is no way you can have 2 full turns a night - we are all so tightly packed that, if you go, we all go and we can't be having that!

Me:   Too right Alfie - I second that ....... you know me - once I get comfy I don't like to move a inch until it's morning - it's not good for a pug to have an interupted sleep - remember you saw that on tele?

Alfie:  Oh yes, Loca I do of course remember - there was that wee one pug who almost got dead because his dad made him move ..... ohhhh dreadful business - brought tears to my eyes

Lucy:  Has anybody seen my stick - my big long french one that I brought from France????

Dad:  Right enough you lot - this is not about your stick Lucy ..... and you pugs will not get dead by performing a few turns a night - I am the head of this family and I insist that I get 2 a night ....

Mum:   Eh excuse me - you are what????  Since when did you become the boss of me??  I'll give you sores on worse places than your ass if you say that again ........ 

At this point the meeting descended into chaos and it was clear nothing more was going to be achieved.  The Holy Show was such that our non biking biker neighbours scuttled into their HoW and pulled their blinds ....

We need a family meeting later to discuss this mornings family meeting - in the meantime can you all please speak to my dad and tell him that a few weeping sores on his arse are not nearly as important as a pug getting a good nights sleep ....

Thank you in anticipation ...........

Another bright clear day, which, in my opinion we are enjoying much too early!  For some reason, best known to themselves, the donkey dogs are insisting on getting up at 8am!  Now, as you know I am a pug that likes my sleep so, for me, this is like getting up in the middle of the night.  However, mum and dad are on their side so I suppose I will get used to it. 

So it turns out our next door neighbours, to our left, are French!  I bet they are all excited about the toilets here - mind you, they probably don't know how to use a normal toilet - I like to imagine them trying to stand on the toilet seat aiming into the bowl below hahahaha :-)  Anyway, besides that they aren't the most friendly of folk!   Weirdly also, they dress like bikers from Sons of Anarchy but they have no bike :-) 

Anyway, the man one came over to Mum yesterday, all irate and holding up a well chewed bone! (NOTE:  it was not our bone - we had never seen this bone before)  He didn't even say bon-jewer but  gave mum a French dirty look which said 'what the feck is this doing in my garden?' - Now, as mum doesn't speak french looks, she thought he was offering aforementioned bone as a present ..... so she took the bone and thanked him profusely, at the same time giving him an Irish look that said 'how the feck am I going to share this between four dogs?' - Luckily, I don't think he spoke Irish looks either :-)   The bone went straight in the bin much to Layla's disgust - she reckoned it still looked tasty! 

He stomped off, probably to clean his imaginary bike .........

Our neighbours to our right are definitely English - we know this because we all speak English dirty looks and the lady gave Alfie a corker one yesterday when he accidently shat on her garden ........ to be fair, Dad was chasing him with a poopy bag and when the lady realised this she accepted dad's apologies and was very friendly.  We are going to try to get them to join LBL so we can all gang up on thon wannabe Hell's Angels if things turn nasty :-) 

Ohh we met the big kangaroo dog again this morning - he is called Diesel - Mum asked his dad what type of dog is he but despite him telling her twice she still couldn't make him out - so she smiled politely and said 'ahh yes, that's what I thought' ......... so we are no further on - she is nearly sure he said hungarian something or other - we aren't sure where the man comes from so I suppose it could be Hungry.

Right, it is breakfast time yooooooooooooo  I am starving - holidays seem to be making us all more hungry than usual (I didn't think that was possible) - we are fast running out of dog food that Dad brought from home so we will soon have to try Spanish stuff.  Mum bought us a chicken roll yesterday as a treat and it was defeckinglicious - I hope we get more of that today as well.

Hasta mañana, besos y abrazos

Loca Elizabeth Orr (LBL) xxxx

Hey, my darlings :-)

At long last, proper internet.  We are in a travelling campsite on our way to Alicante - it is ok, but dogs have to be on leads - we HATE leads - we believe they take away our freedom of expression!  

The boss of this campsite doesn't speak a single word of English so we got to practice all our Spanish on him - to be honest though, right now, we aren't sure if we are booked in here for one night or one month lol .......... 

Mind you, earlier today Lucy could have done with a lead - she jumped out of the HoW before she was allowed to!!!  The main rule we have on this holiday is that no dog is allowed to jump out of the HoW until mum or dad have checked it is safe.  Mum opened the door to have a look and Lucy jumped straight out past her!  

Mum was furious and smacked her on the bum ..... Lucy nearly shat self - she NEVER gets a smack .... she immediately got back in but went in a huff with mum.  She said she wasn't ever going to speak to mum again until she apologised but mum said a smack on the bum is way better than a dead dog! After a wee while Lucy had to agree with her and they made friends - since then though she has had to be called out the door :-) 

Alfie is also being a bit difficult - he has decided he is allergic to Spanish dog food and therefore must be fed human bean food.  Dad explained that the food he is getting isn't Spanish as it was brought from Asda at home!  Alfie said it doesn't taste the same in Spain and if he is not allowed human bean food he will starve himself to dead ..... so far, they have been giving in to him so the rest of us are going to try the same thing tomorrow :-)  

We really are having a lovely time - me and Layla have had no issues whatsoever and we are loving it.  Layla is collecting stones nearly everytime we stop - she now has  5 of them ...... Dad said this will have to stop as we will soon be overweight if she keeps going.  She has agreed not to collect anymore as long as she is allowed to keep the ones she has got as she has become very attached to them - she is a weird dog sometimes - she has them all lying on her bed and then she lies on top of them - I can think of nothing worse than lying on a pile of stones - ah well, each to their own.

The sleeping arrangements have been excellent - not so great for mum and dad as they are still complaining of being coldy at night because 'the bloody pugs' (that might be us) are bringing all the duvet into the middle - we have told them not to worry about it as they will get used to it :-) 

The weather has been really lovely - nice and warm during the day but very cold at night - but that's ok because it is really cosy inside our HoW.

Tomorrow we are driving to just North of Alicante where we are going to book into a campsite up to Christmas - Dad said he is looking forward to getting stopped as he is tired driving.  Mum offered to take over but he said he will never be THAT tired driving - she pretended to be cross but she was secretly relieved - she told me she would have peed her pants if he had said yes!

Anyway, I have to go now as Dad needs on the computer - that is the only bad thing so far about being on holiday - we can't all be on the computer at once.  Mum said she and I will go through all my messages etc on Wednesday as tomorrow we will be travelling again all day - thank you all for  your patience during this travelling period  - please don't anyone think we are ignoring messages - it's just been really hard to get internet for long enough to go through them all.

Big massive huge pug hugs to you all

Buenas noches mis amigos

Loca Elizabeth Orr (LBL) xxxx

We are somewhere just north of London – I’m not sure if we will see the Queen in London or not – it’s probably a bit early for her to be up and about.  Besides, London is humungously big – way bigger than Belfast so the chances of seeing her are slim.

We had a great first day yesterday apart from being on the fairy!  Nobody told us that dogs weren’t allowed to go with their mum and dads but had to stay in the vehicle ….. we nearly shat ourselves when we realised and I cried!  Mum asked the man if she could stay with us but he said no – he was clearly a big-hott and no good will come of him!  He said it was dangerous for human beans to be on the car deck when the boat was driving …. Excusefecking me mister – if it is dangerous, why in the name of all that is Holy are you making dogs stay on it???  

To be honest I only cried for a wee minute because Layla said she would look after us and it wasn’t too bad.  I made sure I started to cry again though when I saw mum and dad coming back so that they would think I had been crying the whole time :-)  it worked and mum let me sit on her knee for the rest of the day ….. result!!  

We had four walks on the way up from Scotland and Lucy was delighted to discover that there are sticks in Scotland – we didn’t see any men in skirts though – tiny bit disappointing because we heard they don’t wear any knickers and rude stuff like that makes us laugh :-) 

Last night we stayed in a motorway service station which was beside a big park – there were no other cars around and we were able to play for ages outside – Mum, Dad and Katie drank a few boozy stuffs and we all had a great time :-)

Bit of a hullaballoo at bed time because Dad announced that pugs had to sleep on the inside of the bed and not in the middle like we normally do!!  Alfie and I put up such a protest in the end they had to give in and let us back to our rightful positions …….. this resulted in Dad being freezing in the middle of the night because he couldn’t get enough duvet … bad planning on their part – they should have bought a bigger duvet.  They have both been grumbling all morning and I heard them say they are going to try again tonight to get us on the inside …. NOT happening!!  Human beans are very slow at accepting the inevitable I find – they could make their life much less stressful if they learned to just accept things like dogs do. 

We are leaving Katie off in Surrey this afternoon at 2 o’clock  we are really going to miss her but Mum said Ross needs her more than we do.  Wait till you hear what that big tree did …. The other night he had a few too many beers and ended up sleep walking into one of the other guys bedrooms – the other fella was clearly worse for wear as well because he didn't even realise that Ross got into bed beside him!!!  A single bed no less lol …… Ross woke up in the morning with his arm round this guy :-) He said he doesn't know who was more shocked ……… thankfully the guy saw the funny side of it but the sooner Katie is there to look after him the better!

Tonight we have to get another stupid fairy over to France – we are hoping the French people are less big-hotted and dogs will be allowed to go with their parents ….. but Mum has promised this is the last fairy so it’ll be ok I suppose.  I am going to don my life jacket just in case – better safe than sorry I always say :-) :-)