Let me explain, my dad has never before been, what I would describe as, a selfish man. He can be a stingy barsteward (mum says) or, on occasions, a grumpy old git but selfish? - never ..... until now that is ......
He got out of the bed this morning and demanded a family meeting! Demanded no less!!!! Anyway, we all took our time but eventually we all sat around outside and waited for his big announcement. The discussion went as follows;
Dad: From now on, until we get home, I demand at least 2 full turns a night in bed!
Me: Ha ha hahahaha haaa good one Dad
Dad: I am serious Loca - I have now gone for 8 full nights without so much as one turn and I now have bedsores on my arse!
Layla: Don't say arse, Dad - bottom is much nicer - more refined I feel ....
Dad: Arse, ass, bum, bottom, call it what you will, but mine is covered in sores!!
Alfie: Sorry about the state of your bum Dad, but I'm afraid there is no way you can have 2 full turns a night - we are all so tightly packed that, if you go, we all go and we can't be having that!
Me: Too right Alfie - I second that ....... you know me - once I get comfy I don't like to move a inch until it's morning - it's not good for a pug to have an interupted sleep - remember you saw that on tele?
Alfie: Oh yes, Loca I do of course remember - there was that wee one pug who almost got dead because his dad made him move ..... ohhhh dreadful business - brought tears to my eyes
Lucy: Has anybody seen my stick - my big long french one that I brought from France????
Dad: Right enough you lot - this is not about your stick Lucy ..... and you pugs will not get dead by performing a few turns a night - I am the head of this family and I insist that I get 2 a night ....
Mum: Eh excuse me - you are what???? Since when did you become the boss of me?? I'll give you sores on worse places than your ass if you say that again ........
At this point the meeting descended into chaos and it was clear nothing more was going to be achieved. The Holy Show was such that our non biking biker neighbours scuttled into their HoW and pulled their blinds ....
We need a family meeting later to discuss this mornings family meeting - in the meantime can you all please speak to my dad and tell him that a few weeping sores on his arse are not nearly as important as a pug getting a good nights sleep ....
Thank you in anticipation ...........