Ok La Banda Loca - we dogs need your help - you have got to speak to our Dad!

Let me explain, my dad has never before been, what I would describe as, a selfish man.  He can be a stingy barsteward (mum says) or, on occasions, a grumpy old git but selfish? - never ..... until now that is ......

He got out of the bed this morning and demanded a family meeting!  Demanded no less!!!!  Anyway, we all took our time but eventually we all sat around outside and waited for his big announcement.  The discussion went as follows;

Dad:  From now on, until we get home, I demand at least 2 full turns a night in bed!

Me:    Ha ha hahahaha haaa  good one Dad

Dad:  I am serious Loca - I have now gone for 8 full nights without so much as one turn and I now have bedsores on my arse!

Layla:  Don't say arse, Dad - bottom is much nicer - more refined I feel ....

Dad:  Arse, ass, bum, bottom, call it what you will, but mine is covered in sores!! 

Alfie:  Sorry about the state of your bum Dad, but I'm afraid there is no way you can have 2 full turns a night - we are all so tightly packed that, if you go, we all go and we can't be having that!

Me:   Too right Alfie - I second that ....... you know me - once I get comfy I don't like to move a inch until it's morning - it's not good for a pug to have an interupted sleep - remember you saw that on tele?

Alfie:  Oh yes, Loca I do of course remember - there was that wee one pug who almost got dead because his dad made him move ..... ohhhh dreadful business - brought tears to my eyes

Lucy:  Has anybody seen my stick - my big long french one that I brought from France????

Dad:  Right enough you lot - this is not about your stick Lucy ..... and you pugs will not get dead by performing a few turns a night - I am the head of this family and I insist that I get 2 a night ....

Mum:   Eh excuse me - you are what????  Since when did you become the boss of me??  I'll give you sores on worse places than your ass if you say that again ........ 

At this point the meeting descended into chaos and it was clear nothing more was going to be achieved.  The Holy Show was such that our non biking biker neighbours scuttled into their HoW and pulled their blinds ....

We need a family meeting later to discuss this mornings family meeting - in the meantime can you all please speak to my dad and tell him that a few weeping sores on his arse are not nearly as important as a pug getting a good nights sleep ....

Thank you in anticipation ...........

13/12/2013 05:11:37 pm

You'd better be careful Loca, or Dad will be getting you to kiss his bum better!

13/12/2013 06:00:06 pm

No, no, no.......,,as a loyal and devoted LBL member and esteemed calendar holder, it pains me to say that he who holds the key to the food must, I repeat MUST have 2 turn overs. Sorry kids. Xxxxx

13/12/2013 06:52:00 pm

Oh Loca, life can be so unfair. While it's obvious that Dad is in the wrong and the rest of you are right, Dad's without sleep can be funny creatures and need careful handling.

Without sleep, his brain could addle and he could start thinking really crazy stuff like "Why am I living with a demented woman and four demented dogs in a large box on wheels when I could be at home in my own bed - WITHOUT THEM?"

Then before you know it, he could be telling Mum to keep you all amused in the field while he drives to a village to buy some really special cakes with cream - and he could just drive and drive and drive and be home in his own bed by suppertime!

So, even though you know it's bordering on doggy cruelty, perhaps it would be better to just humour the addle-brained fecker and let him have lots of turns? xxxx

Crazy Cats
13/12/2013 08:44:52 pm

Dear Loca us crazy cats back home are very very worried about our canine companions. The rules on how to manage your human bean clearly state that in the first instance cats have priority of the doovay and any associated soft furnishings with undisturbed time sleeping on the beans heads, and chests with unlimited turning loud purring and farting . In the absence of cat, dog has priority followed by small children, large children, visiting grandparents and then in consultation with the cats human beans. This clearly has not happened the dogs need to take control send in Lucy the farter, Layla can lick his sores and pugs can pee on his pillows. After this tip him onto the floor if its got enough for cats its good enough for him.

Please do not hesitate to contact us for any further assistance

Yours Crazy cats

14/12/2013 02:08:30 am

Love it

Denise Moll
13/12/2013 08:45:51 pm

So I read the blog and I just want to say that "Mal's Arse and The Weeping Bed Sores" we be a great name for a rock band!

13/12/2013 09:11:44 pm

I'm not gonna lie, Loca...I can empathise with Dads pain. You gotta let him turn puglets!!! Luv, Niamh x

Nicole Klein
13/12/2013 09:43:19 pm

You know I adore you but I must side with Dad on this. My puglet sleeps with me and if I need to flip I flip - even if that means taking him with me. You'll fall right back to sleep promise. Please don't kick me out of LBL.

13/12/2013 10:00:44 pm

I'll do my best :) I have a question though. What's an HoW? Love you Loca and the rest :) oh yes, more pics please.

Tracey Auger
13/12/2013 10:46:34 pm

Kathleen it's a House On Wheels

13/12/2013 10:07:45 pm

Now I am surprised about your policy Local and figured you for a more generous pug. I give my people a little more room then that and allow them at least 4 turns to get comfy before planting myself. A cranky da does not bode well for yummy treats..

Rebecca Berkowitz
13/12/2013 11:57:29 pm

Loca, sweetie, as our gang leader, you might want to exercise a bit of diplomacy in this situation. Figure it this way - you five NEED Da to get good rest while he's doing most of the driving of the HoW, and everyone knows that well-rested Dads are more generous with the cream and cake and roast chicken and whatnot. Even if he is overstepping his status, maybe a dispensation can be given in light of the present (travelling out of the country) circumstances.
If you're wondering why I would stick up for him, I can tell you - I used to go on long car trips with the bean I divorced (that isn't why he's gone, mind), and one night we couldn't find any lodging and had to drive all night long. Before the sun came up, he started seeing things in the road that weren't even there! He was that tired! If we hadn't been right near my Mum's house at the time, we would have got dead from the accident he would have gotten us into. SAFETY is the biggest deal you can imagine... like how your stroller and life vest keep you safe, yeh?
Maybe I've got an idea you all can live with. I don't know what the terms "inside" and "middle" of the bed mean from your perspective, but as I explain my suggestion, let's call the pillows end of the bed NORTH and the beans feet's end SOUTH, just for fun. How does this sound? Loca, since you need lifted into and out of bed and tend not to get down all night, could Mum and Da find a spot for you between the pillows on the North edge? You could settle yourself in there for the night - maybe with a wee cover over you, and as long as you don't fart at night, everyone would be fine. Since Alfie can (presumably) hop back into bed if Da "turns" him out onto the floor, he could either spoon up against Mum or take his chances down South. Or, if the bed's big enough you two could squish together up North. Mum and Da could edge a bit south if they're not too tall, but I think they might be.. they look tall in the videos.
In return for those concessions, Da could agree to take Mum shopping for a thick fleecy duvet or blanket that would assure each bean some coverage on the cold nights. Let Mum pick it out as she will have some thoughts on how the two covers interact, but give Da a chance to express his druthers on the matter. This seems a plan that all four of you could try out for a night or two and see if it works. I'm sad to say but I think if you cannot work out a compromise, Da will have you both in chairs or your daytime beds overnights, and nobody really wants that. If you think Dad is a nasty bar steward now, wait until he hasn't gotten any sleep until Christmas and you'll all have coal in your stockings.
My dog and Chewy the guest dog also like to sleep with me at night. I have a very big bed for one bean, a Boston Terrier and a Chihuahua mix, but we have what I call Battles for Housing every night. Both of them prefer sleeping right up on me, and turns are a problem for me, too. I can't say it has worked out because no matter where I place the dogs at night, they simply wait until I'm sleeping and go back where they want to be. Usually I am stapled down in place with a dog holding down the duvet on either side of me. Last night, when I tried to turn, I saw Chewy do a barrel roll as the duvet went up. It didn't bother him and he went right back to sleep when I got still again. Alfie could probably handle such a roll but I don't know if that might start you dancing in your sleep. If you are in toward the middle and off the duvet, you'd be safe as houses, and Alfie would just have to be the tolerant, grand sort that he is, and hop back up onto the bed if it happens to him.
Oh, and one other suggestion. Tell Dad that I often wind up sleeping in sort of twisty positions due to the dogs holding down the duvet, and I have gone back to taking Valerian Root for my stiff muscles in the morning. I think if Mal went to a chemist and asked for Raíz de Valeriana, he could find it in Spain. It is a lovely muscle relaxant and it might help to take some at bedtime so he'd want to turn less. He could have a pint with it and it wouldn't be dangerous - my "devil" that tends my back told me so. If he doesn't go in for boozy stuffs, though, it's no matter. Boozy stuffs can help you sleep though :)
By the way, in Spain they have Siestas. I like them so much that if I take over the world (as your assistant of course), I will make them mandatory all over the world. Maybe Dad would like to give those a try, too, while you lot are nowhere near the bed. I hope you all work out this issue at the next meeting. Best of luck. And as always Big Love from Chicago!

Millie, the puginator
16/12/2013 11:48:09 am

And I thought I was confused before.

14/12/2013 12:03:37 am

Surely there is a sofa bed in the HOW that could be utilized if one were to feel the need for turning. Leave the non turners to their peaceful sleep, majority rules, right?

14/12/2013 02:07:07 am

Dear Dad, I know how you feel I have to share a fed with a bean and five feckers and no one moves for me either, have you considered the floor, and yes on occasions I slept on in instead. I feel you pain, but I reckon you have no hope of one turn or a go of the duvet. I would suggest you take to having afternoon naps and let yourself have all the bed to yourself. love and don't show us up with the french party, by the way I've been told they don't like each other either, so it's not really big-hotted, lol. Good luck with the sleeping xxxx

14/12/2013 02:11:01 am

oh dear, me and my spelling I share a Bed, don't get fed very often though

Serenity Pug
14/12/2013 06:20:25 am

Oh dear Loca, I have the same problem. I singled between my dad's legs because I know he won't move. Now my mum's another story. She'll kick me out of bed if I don't get out of her way. Anyway you can find a spot where you won't be disturbed like between mum's legs??


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